


Nut butter

by feralfooldotexe



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Cookies, Other, Peanut Butter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:25:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23370124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feralfooldotexe/pseuds/feralfooldotexe
Summary: America just wanted a normal, relaxing Sunday morning. Little did he know a pal would come to visit and change his life.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Nut butter

It was a crisp Sunday morning, the birds could be heard chirping outside the windows, the sun was shining through the curtains. The rays reaching Alfred's eyes waking him. He got up whistling his way through the house matching the birds that were outside. He reached his kitchen and went through all the cupboards and his fridge but found nothing. "Really? I could've sworn I had SOMETHING" he said frustrated at the lack of food, "ah HAH I knew it!" He said grabbing a half-eaten jar of peanut butter.  
He started eating it when there was a loud knock at the door. "It's open!" He yelled with a mouthful of peanut butter. A big beefy man with slicked back blond hair came in. "Hey dude, what's up?" Alfred asked Ludwig. "You know what will make that peanut butter better? Scrotum sweat and pubic hair!" The normally stern man exclaimed. "Dude what the hell as gotten into ya" Alfred yelled in genuine confusion. Ludwig is usually a short tempered man who gets mad at anything he doesn't understand but little did the American know, the German man was sexually attracted to peanut butter, he could smell the stuff from miles away and needed it now. Germany grabbed the jar out of America's hand and shoved his balls in it and started moving the jar around. "DUDE WHAT THE HELL" America screamed, distraught at the sight of what Ludwig was doing to his breakfast. He pulled the jar off his nads and handed it to Alfred, "sorry about that, I could smell it and couldn't resist. Here you go." Ludwig said extending his arm to Alfred to give it back to him. "No what the crap I don't want that get that away from me!" The hyper man yelled, unbelievably disgusted. "Then if you don't mind, it would be a shame for it to go to waste." The German said, grabbing a spoon from the kitchen.  
Alfred stared as Germany started eating from the jar. America couldn't get out fast enough. He was so displeased that he just jumped out a window, leaving Ludwig alone in his house with the peanut butter. He can't believe what he saw. He saw his former enemy now colleague eat hairy peanut butter. Once Alfred landed safely he just ran. Ran and ran until he felt he was far enough.   
But he couldn't run away from his memories of what was supposed to be a normal Sunday morning.  
Alfred ran until he saw a familiar house, it was his brother Matthews house! Alfred ran up to the door and started pounding on it yelling "Dude, bro open up help!" Matthew finally opened the door, "oh hey what's up? Come in"  
Alfred forced himself in the house and smelled fresh cookies. "I just had a rough morning and needed out of my place. Did you make cookies? They smell awesome!" Alfred said grabbing a few cookies and shoving them in his mouth, starving because he didn't have much breakfast. "Oh those? Ludwig brought them over. He didn't say why, he just dropped them off with a note saying they were peanut butter.." Alfreds face dropped and turned pale when he heard those words. No. He couldn't have. Germany couldn't have made these with peanut butter he stuck his balls in.   
Shaking in horror at those words he looked down at the cookie and saw a single curly hair sticking out. At the sight, Alfred let out a blood curdling scream and started to run to the bathroom where he then started to throw up. "Al! Are you alright?" Matthew said, worried about his brother. "Balls... in the... peanut butter..." Alfred said while trying to catch his breath. Matthew connected the dots, understanding what Alfred was saying. He went and threw away the German treats and made Alfred a glass of water and brought it to him. Matthew walked back to the bathroom where he say Alfred rocking back and forth in the corner. He placed the glass on the bathroom counter for his brother once he composed himself.  
After that terrible day, Alfred vowed to never have anything peanut butter ever again and never accept food from Ludwig.

**Author's Note:**

> You can thank my brother for the prompt B)  
> This is pure satire please don't take this seriously and remember, keep your balls out of the peanut butter!


End file.
